1. FORGIVENESS IS NOT DENYING, APPROVING, OR DIMINISHING SIN THAT IS COMMITTED AGAINST US.

We cannot say we are fine, that it was no big deal, or that, since it was in the past, we’ve just moved on. We must be honest about the reality of the sin if we want the forgiveness to be equally earnest. In forgiving, we are, in fact, saying they are wrong, we do not approve of their sin, and that it really is a big deal and not a trivial matter to us.

2. FORGIVENESS IS NOT NAÏVETÉ.

Naïve people are prone to live as if the world were not filled with depraved sinners capable of evil, and they often become naïve by not really looking at the sinfulness of sin, including their own. Such people are not forgiving sin as much as they are ignoring it.

3. FORGIVENESS IS NOT ENABLING SIN.

To forgive people is not to remain stuck in their cycle of sin, thus being complicit and enabling their continued transgression.

4. FORGIVENESS IS NOT WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO ACKNOWLEDGE SIN, APOLOGIZE, AND REPENT.

The sad truth is that some people will never fully repent, and others never at all. Others we will never see again, or they will die before we hear an apology. We forgive because it is what God requires and what we need, not because our offenders have apologized.

5. FORGIVENESS IS NOT FORGETTING ABOUT SIN COMMITTED AGAINST US.

It is actually impossible to completely forget such things. This is why when God says, “Their sin I will remember no more,” it does not mean that he has no memory, but rather that he continually chooses not to bring it up or keep it in the forefront of his thinking. Indeed, because God is all-knowing, it is, in fact, impossible for him to actually forget something.

6. FORGIVENESS IS NOT DYING EMOTIONALLY AND NO LONGER FEELING THE PAIN OF THE TRANSGRESSION.

Rather, forgiveness allows us to feel the appropriate depth of grievous pain but choose by grace not to be continually paralyzed or defined by it.

7. FORGIVENESS IS NOT A ONE-TIME EVENT.

Those who have been sinned against commonly have seasons when they feel afresh the pain of past hurts and have to forgive their transgressors yet again.

8. FORGIVENESS IS NOT RECONCILIATION.

It takes one sinner to repent, and one victim to forgive, but it takes both to reconcile. Therefore, unless there is both repentance by the sinner and forgiveness by the victim, reconciliation cannot occur, which means the relationship remains continually broken until reconciliation does occur. Forgiveness is the beginning of potential reconciliation but is not in and of itself reconciliation. Forgiveness takes a moment. The trust that reconciliation requires is gained slowly and lost quickly.

9. FORGIVENESS IS NOT NEGLECTING JUSTICE.

In fact, if a crime has been committed, we can simultaneously forgive someone and call the police to arrest him or her. God will deal with every sin of every human being justly. For those who repent of sin and come to faith in Jesus Christ, justice came at the cross of Jesus, when our Savior suffered and died in our place for our sins. For those who do not repent of sin and come to faith in Jesus Christ, their justice will come in the punishment that is assigned to them in the conscious eternal torments of hell. By not seeking vengeance, we are not neglecting justice, but rather trusting God for perfect justice and getting ourselves out of the middle between the sinner and God. Romans 12:19 instructs precisely this: “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’”

We know that we are not bitter when we actually want those who have sinned against us to be maturing Christians and, in addition to praying for them, we forgive them in hopes of showing them the gospel of grace.

In the midst of a culture with such diverse and contrasting opinions about who women are and especially what a wife is, Pastor Jerry seeks to outline a Biblical perspective of womanhood and particularly what does it look like to be a godly wife…

We apologize for the poor audio quality…we feel that the ability to continue listening to this series outweighs our desire to only post quality audio!

Thanks for understanding!

This coming Sunday, February 19th we will talk about The Respectful Wife…

We are copying a blogpost from our friends at Mars Hill Church…one of their deacons, Lindsey Holcomb has written an extremely helpful and practical article on specific ways that wives can respect their husbands…

12 WAYS TO RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND

I did not grow up observing a respectful marriage. Sadly, it was the total opposite of respect. I come from a long line of failed marriages, domestic violence, resentment, and passivity in my family. When Justin and I married six years ago we discussed ways to love and respect each other as intended by God. We wanted to love each other well, honor God in doing so, and break the generational sins I witnessed growing up.

RESPECT IS A CALLING

Biblically, respect refers to the fear a person should have before God, a reverence and respect. (Luke 1:5, 18:2; Acts 10:35; 1 Peter 2:17; Revelation 14:7, 19:5). This type of reverence and regard for God should characterize the relationship between husband and wives in marriage. Ephesians 5:33 specifically calls wives to respect their husbands: “ . . . let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Just as Christ gave himself up for the church in loving self-sacrifice, husbands are called to lay down their lives for their wives to guarantee that they find their marriage a source of rich fulfillment and joyful service to God. However, because of sin, what manifests can be hostile domination in some men and lazy apathy in others.

Wives are entrusted with a responsibility to love their husbands by accepting and respecting his role as servant leader and husband. This is modeled on Christ’s headship over the church. There are many temptations with regard to respecting your husband, but the most common is to avoid or emasculate him.

RESPECT IS A FRUIT

A biblical understanding of respect is not one of dread or fright for the wife. It does not mean being his doormat. Respect is not conditional or merit-based. Being a wife who respects her husband isn’t a chore or duty for which we muster our strength to get done. Rather, this “respect” is the fruit of the Spirit. It’s easier to respect your husband when he is obedient to Ephesians 5:33 and loves you as he loves himself, but wives are called to respect our husbands even when they do not fulfill Ephesians 5:33. In calling wives to respect their husbands, God invites wives to allow their husbands to love and provide for them, and to trust that God will care for them even when their husbands fail.

Respect for your husband does not mean subjecting yourself to physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual abuse. The respectful thing to do in those instances is to call the police and tell the elders of the church. Your husband is under the authority of both of both the church and state, and there are consequences for these actions.

RESPECT FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND

Respect ultimately relates how you interact with your best friend. Men and women were created equal by God, in his image, to be co-heirs of the eternal kingdom. We were created with different roles and responsibilities, but both called to respect each other, “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). For wives, having a greater understanding of ways to respect our husbands re-aligns us with what God originally intended for us.

HERE ARE 12 PRACTICAL WAYS TO RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND:

1. Tell him you respect him. Be specific about what you respect.

2. Apologize when you’re wrong. Expect him to apologize when he’s wrong.

3. Ask his opinion. Include him in your decisions and thoughts.

4. Pray earnestly for your husband. Some may be prone to instruct, and it can become nagging when it gets to a certain point.

5. Speak kindly and lovingly of your husband in front of family, kids, and friends.

6. Affirm every good thing that you see about him. Be verbally affirming of the work of grace in your husband’s life.

7. Listen to him—don’t dismiss him.

8. Be aware of the power of the tongue: ladies, we can be passive aggressive, snippy, sarcastic, and make snide remarks and criticize.

9. Have high expectations of him. God does, and so should you.

10. Let him know what you’re thinking and feeling. This fosters trust and healthy communication.

11. Ask God to show you how to care for and love your husband well.

12. Be honest and repent to God and your husband if you don’t respect him. And ask God to cultivate the fruit of the spirit in your life.

Link to the original article: http://marshill.com/2012/02/09/12-ways-to-respect-your-husband

Week #3 of our Real Marriage series…

Masculinity is hard wired into men from creation and deeply affects our understanding of self, marriage & family…this week we take a look at who we are, what we do & what happens when we fail…

This week we looked at the story from Genesis of the first wedding…God’s Intent for Marriage…the Sinful Reality…and The Hope for Reality….